


Acacias and Willows

by Saerry Snape (Terion)



Series: A Spell of Galdor [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Not Myself Rewrite, Rewrite of Previous Work, Severitus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terion/pseuds/Saerry%20Snape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starting with the events of Snape's Worst Memory in 1976 and moving forward, these are a series of drabbles covering the loss and recovery of Severus and Lily's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. October, 1976 : The Apology

_"I don't need help from filthy little_ _Mudbloods_ _like her!"_

 

Severus groaned as he flung his quill down onto the library table, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes in an attempt to keep the burning tears from flowing from them. He hadn't meant to say that, least of all to _Lily_. Potter and Black, however, had just made him so _furious_ and having to have help was just embarrassing.

 

In the weeks since the incident, the Marauders had gotten worse in their tauntings and his temper had him snarling right back at them. Part of him wasn't in it, though. Always - _always_ \- after they were gone he would just end up slumped in a secluded corner, haunted again and again by what he had said that day.

 

He wanted to apologize. Merlin, did he want to!

 

Lily hadn't been making it easy for him, however. Every time he'd tried to go anywhere near her, she'd immediately turned and walked away. Or worse - _ignored him_ altogether.

 

That hurt far worse than anything Potter or Black could do to him.

 

"Damnit!" he cursed as he felt the tears come despite his efforts to keep them back. This was what had gotten him that stupid nickname in the first place!

 

Wiping furiously at his face with his sleeve, Severus rose and began to hurriedly gather his things, suddenly filled with the need to find her _now_. Whether she listened or not, whether she even still c _ared_ , he had to apologize. He had to try to make things right.

 

Shouldering his bag, he headed straight for Gryffindor Tower and lurked nervously outside of the Fat Lady's portrait, trying to ignore the pitying looks that she was flashing his way. He stood there for what seemed like the longest time and then she emerged, talking with one of her housemates, and he dropped his bag as he moved forward with her name on his lips.

 

There was clear surprise in her eyes when she turned before it was clouded over with disgust and he could see the same in her housemate's eyes.

 

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

 

"Why should I when you obviously don't want anything to do with me?" replied Lily, her tone clipped and cold as ice.

 

Severus glanced at her housemate then looked at her again before he whispered, "Please."

 

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Lil, just _leave him_ ," groaned her housemate as she tugged on Lily's sleeve.

 

Instead of answering immediately, Lily frowned at him, her green eyes narrowed slightly and her eyebrows furrowed. He met her gaze for a moment before he looked down at his shoes, his lank hair falling over his face. It was better that way - it would hide his disappointment when she said 'no' and left.

 

"Go on without me, Jane."

 

Severus' head came up in surprise and her housemate was looking at her with the same amount of shock.

 

"Lily..."

 

"Go," repeated Lily, green eyes never straying from him. It took a moment but the other girl left after glaring at him. As soon as she was gone, Lily crossed her arms and said, "I'm only doing this because you said 'please', Sev."

 

 _Sev_ _._

 

His heart hammered in his chest at the shortening of his name - _her_ shortening of his name - and for a moment Severus couldn't breathe. Maybe, just maybe, he could salvage this. He didn't want to lose her.

 

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said in a quiet voice. "I didn't...I didn't mean to say that. Not to you."

 

She made a strangled noise then exploded, "Only to me! Does that mean you've said it to other people?"

 

"What? No! I...that's not what I meant!"

 

Lily shook her head, snapping, "I think you did!" Then she softened, her voice dropping to a whisper, as she breathed, "I've lost you, Sev."

 

_No, no, no, no, NO._

 

"No, you haven't," he insisted even though he knew she was right. He'd found a place amongst the worst students in Hogwarts and the knowledge he'd garnered of curses and the Dark Arts had given him a sure footing amongst them. It was something he'd never had before in his life and he craved it, wanted it, needed it, even though he knew he shouldn't.

 

He couldn't keep that place _and_ Lily.

 

"I have," she insisted, "and you know it too."

 

Severus flinched at the truth, unable to deny it, then jerked violently as her hand reached out and gently touched his face. He stared at her, his throat closing up at the _sadness_ in her eyes and he knew all was lost. His apologies were for naught.

 

He repeated the words anyway but they felt stale and bitter on his tongue now.

 

"I'm sorry, Lily."

 

"I know," she whispered, "but I can't forgive you."

 

Her hand fell away and it felt like his whole world crumbled with it. He started to reach out but he stopped himself, bringing his arm back to his side as she turned away. Instead he just bowed his head, hiding his pain behind the shields he'd crafted since childhood. Of course, as his oldest friend, Lily could see right through them.

 

As she started to walk away, he heard her breathe, "I'm sorry, Sev," and he grabbed his bag and fled. Fled to his usual secluded spot and flung himself into the darkness, tears streaming down his face because he knew - _knew_ deep down - that he'd just lost the only person he cared about.


	2. February, 1979 : Apology Accepted

Nervously straightening the Muggle tie as he slipped into the back of the funeral hall, Severus quietly took a seat. Up near the front of the room, he could see the back of Mrs. Evans' head bowed as she rocked with quiet sobs while Petunia sat ramrod straight next to her. Much as he remembered Lily describing her sister's violent rows with their parents, though, he knew that tears were streaming down her face even without seeing it.

 

Then his eyes were drawn by Lily's hair and his heart clenched as he saw her leaning against Potter's shoulder. Even from the back of the room, he could hear her little hiccoughs of breath as she tried not to sob aloud. He watched as Potter wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gently stroked her hair until the funeral was over.

 

When they and other members of the Evans family rose to start for the back of the hall, Severus wanted to get up and run before they spotted him. He stilled that urge, however, because he wasn't going to take the coward's way out. There hadn't been that much interaction between him and the Evans' family other than Lily but he _had_ met her parents once or twice. They had always been kind to the grubby little boy he'd been and while he hadn't appreciated it much then, he did now.

 

He appreciated a lot of things now that he hadn't before.

 

Looking up, he saw that Mrs. Evans was leaning on Petunia as they headed for the door and he bowed his head respectfully towards the still weeping woman. He caught a ragged, almost furious intake of breath that had to be Petunia - as she surely wouldn't have easily forgotten him with all the terrible things he'd called her - but she kept moving.

 

When he lifted his eyes again, Severus was looking into Lily's startled eyes.

 

She mouthed his name in surprise then Potter was ushering her on past him with a hiss about keeping up the line. That had her moving past but she gave him a look that he had well missed - the one that said she _would_ be having words with him and there was _nothing_ he could do about it.

 

He smiled for a moment as he was looking forward to it then the expression faded as he gingerly touched the inside of his left arm. The Mark was hidden under his shirt and the Muggle jacket he'd dug out expressly for the funeral but he felt like it was on blatant display here. It certainly wasn't something he was comfortable bearing in the presence of Lily or her family.

 

His regrets at taking the Mark were swarming at him more and more lately. The life of a follower of Voldemort that Lucius and so many others had extolled about during his years at Hogwarts was certainly not what they had described. Lily likely knew he had taken the Mark alongside his "friends" and he feared that she - or Potter - might ask.

 

Potter he could have lied to.

 

He couldn't lie to Lily.

 

Glancing up, he noticed that the rest of the hall had cleared out and he rose to follow the crowd, following them outside the building. Severus stepped away from the rest, coming to a stop up next to a tree, and he waited patiently.

 

To his dismay, Petunia was the first one to approach him.

 

" _You!_ " she growled as she practically stomped up to him and shoved her face up towards his. "What kind of nerve had you got showing up here, Snape? You never liked any of us except for Lily and _that_ died at your stupid freak school."

 

"Eloquent as ever, Petunia," he drawled lazily in response, recalling that he'd once gotten pleasure out of tormenting Lily's sister. After having experienced Lucius' idea of Muggle-bating, however, he honestly couldn't find it in him anymore. Sobering, he continued, "As much as it might surprise you, I came here to pay what little respect I can to your father. I _do_ remember them treating me kindly when we were younger."

 

He bit his tongue to keep from saying that he still liked Lily perfectly fine and it was his own stupid mistake that had shorn their friendship in twain.

 

Petunia's lip curled and she started to open her mouth again when Lily's slim hand came to land on her shoulder. The gentle but firm press of her fingers urged her sister away as she said, "Mum wants you, Petunia."

 

With a snort and a harsh glare at Severus, Petunia left to stomp her way back across the ground and he bowed his head.

 

"Hello, Lily."

 

"Sev," she murmured in response and his heart hammered hard against his chest. He dared look up then, just barely meeting her eyes, and he found his breath taken away by the fact that there were tears in them. "What are you doing here?"

 

He shrugged before answering quietly, "Your parents actually cared about the little boy from down the road. So when I heard about your father, I came straight away. I...there have been things lately in my life that have brought me to the conclusion that I've been a right idiot about a lot of my past." When she remained silent, Severus dared continue. "Maybe it's too late but...my apology back then. When I...well. You know."

 

Lily reached out a hand to touch his arm - the _left_ , oh Merlin, why the _left_ \- and pressed, "Tell me again."

 

He suddenly wanted to run again, wanted to insist he had nothing to say and Apparate away no matter how many Muggles were about. If he was anything, though, Severus was _not_ a coward.

 

"I'm sorry," he managed to say, blurting it out a little louder and faster than he'd intended. Seeing heads turning towards them in confusion, he regained control and lowered his voice. Reaching for her hands - she shouldn't be anywhere near his left arm, not near _that_ \- he gripped them tightly and sought out the words to explain himself. "I never meant to call you by that name. _Never_. And not just because you're you but because it isn't _right_. You and everyone like you prove all of _them_ wrong, Lily. I'm so sorry for what I said."

 

_Is it too late?_ he asked silently, almost begging her to hear him. _Is it too late for me to have you back, my best friend, my only true friend?_

 

Her fingers clenched around his and a strangled laugh came out of her throat as she shook her head, looking up at him with the tears still gleaming in her eyes. "Oh, Sev. We were both young and stupid then."

 

"Still are," he noted with a smile that he didn't quite feel. Underneath his shirt and jacket, the Mark felt as if it was burning into his arm and he wished with his all that he had never taken it.

 

Lily smiled up at him, warm and inviting, and Severus found his heart beating wildly as hope dared flare up inside him. Then the moment was broken by bloody Potter coming up behind her and tugging lightly on her arm.

 

"We're to head to the cemetery, Lils." He then did a double-take and straightened as he realized just _who_ his young wife was talking to. "Snape," he said firmly, nodding slightly while an almost possessive hand came to rest on Lily's shoulder.

 

"Potter," returned Severus coolly. He turned his attention back to Lily then, not wanting to focus on his old childhood nemesis. While he had far greater worries nowadays, he still loathed Potter with all of his being.

 

"Lils," began Potter, the warning obvious in his voice, but Lily retrieved one of her hands to fold it over her husband's.

 

"It's fine, James," she said. Smiling, she squeezed Severus' hand and asked, "Are you coming?"

 

As he shook his head because the cemetery is more for the _family_ and he is not that, she nodded. "Then," Lily said firmly, "you'll come to our house after?"

 

"Lily!"

 

"So we can talk?" she continued as if Potter had never said a word, her smile suddenly strained. And underneath the weight of Potter's glare, Severus simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

 

With that, they were gone, Potter hustling her away towards the distant figures of her mother and Petunia. Severus stood for a moment before he sank against the tree, his right arm rising to cradle his left as his face went ashen. Eventually he'd have to reveal to her that he went down the path that she had feared he would, that he had let his so-called friends lead him so astray. Once every so often his thoughts would turn to her in blame but with his recent self revelation, he knew he only had himself to blame.

 

He had made his bed and he will lie in it.

 


	3. April, 1979 : Opening Up

With a growl, he tossed the latest edition of the _Prophet_ into the fireplace after seeing the headline of one of the minor stories on the front page and followed it with the collection of letters from the Ministry. There had been a stack of them on the kitchen windowsill this morning and he'd recognized the official seal on them almost immediately. No doubt they would be filled with all of the pleasant formal apologies that the Ministry sent to the widows of Aurors and he was not going to let Lily see that drivel.

 

It was bad enough she'd lost her husband. She didn't need those emotionless apologies.

 

Severus stared moodily down into the fire for a moment, watching the edges of the parchment curl and crack into embers, and finally turned away as there was another hoot at his open kitchen window. This owl didn't bear the mark of the Ministry and it eyed him almost suspiciously as he walked into the room.

 

"She's asleep," he said, addressing the bird politely. While he'd never owned an owl of his own, he'd always had a respect for the creatures. Mostly it was a product of his youth, from one of the wizarding stories his mother had told during those earliest days when she'd still held a semblance of clarity and self. Extending his hand, he added, "I will give it to her when she wakes."

 

The owl cocked its head at him then let out a low hoot before it held out the leg that the letter was fastened to. After untying it, Severus gestured at the shallow bowl full of water he'd placed on the sill earlier in the day and glanced at the scrawl on the outside of the parchment. A sneer immediately curled at his lip as he saw Black's untidy scribble and debated flinging it into the fireplace as well.

 

He stilled the urge, however, because despite everything he felt Black was Potter's friend and this letter _would not_ be empty consolation. For that alone he'd keep it. Taking a breath, Severus carefully placed the letter in the center of the table with the handful of others that seemed honest.

 

Glancing once towards the owl who was still drinking, he turned away from the table and towards the aged hulk of a refrigerator. Opening it and glancing about, Severus cursed at the meager state of his food stock as it wasn't anywhere close to able to feed one person let alone two at the moment. He didn't want to leave Lily alone in the house, however, so he shrugged the aside and set about to making tea.

 

As he waited for the kettle to boil, he collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs and smiled wryly to himself. If he closed his eyes, Severus could almost imagine that he was back in the tiny loft above his master's shop that he'd occupied after leaving Hogwarts, boiling water for tea with a spell. Despite the fact that he'd been living in his childhood home since early January when his father had died (a loss he certainly hadn't mourned), sometimes he still woke up thinking he was in that loft with nothing but his trunk and a bed.

 

It had been a miserable sort of living what with grabbing what sleep and relax he could above the shop between grueling hours of learning, eating almost solely at the Cauldron, and trying not to get caught when the Mark burned. Yet it had been simple, far more so than having to take care of a whole house that he still wasn't entirely sure he wanted to keep.

 

Though having the house had allowed him to be there for Lily when she needed him. That alone made it worth putting up with living with the memories ingrained in the walls.

 

Thinking of Lily needing him led him back to the events of the night before and Severus frowned bitterly in remembrance. She'd been in obvious distress with tears streaming down her cheeks when she'd shown up and had flung herself at him as soon as the door had been open. Initially he had thought she'd been attacked and had slammed the door shut, warding it a moment later as soon as he fished up his wand from his pocket. Then he'd heard the two words that had made part of him happy for a brief moment before reality had brought him crashing down.

 

 _James_ and _dead_.

 

Scowling now as he remembered that split second of happiness, Severus rose from his chair as the kettle began to shriek and pulled it off of the hob. As he fixed his cup of tea - a spoon of sugar with a daub of honey - he paused a moment then prepared what would be a second cup of with a bit of peppermint leaf mixed in with the tea leaves in the infuser. It was the way he recalled Lily always taking her tea and he hoped that that hadn't changed in the years of their estrangement.

 

Cup in hand, he moved into the living room and sank down onto the threadbare couch, sipping carefully at the hot liquid for several long moments before he dared let his thoughts drift back to the events of the evening before. He'd spent little time sleeping after he'd esconced Lily in his room, giving her one of the Dreamless Sleep Potions he kept on hand for his own occasional nightmares. Instead of obeying his tired body last night, Severus had obeyed his whirling mind and had not gone to sleep until the sky had begun to lighten. He was going to regret it in a few hours when he had to show up at his master's shop to do his turn at minding it for the afternoon while the older man worked on projects in the back but that was minor to everything else.

 

Only getting a handful of hours of sleep was old hat for him now and he could suffer through it. Lily, his Lily, was suffering from a hurt he could never fix.

 

Cursing at himself aloud, Severus shook his head. _His Lily_ indeed. She wasn't _his_ anymore than she'd ever been _Potter's_. That had been one of his hardest things to shake, when he'd drifted into brooding and blaming everyone but himself despite knowing better deep down. He'd blamed Potter for stealing Lily, for taking her away from him, and he'd held to it so hard that for a moment he'd almost believed it.

 

Joining Voldemort and seeing just exactly what he'd gotten himself into had given him a good shake of reality. It was too late by that point, of course, but he was trying to make up for his mistakes, past and present. Though he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to excuse the poisons he was having to brew for his _true master_ as Bellatrix liked to taunt. He was never entirely sure of what they were used for or just how much blood might really be on his hands now.

 

Severus scowled then and closed his eyes as he sat his cup aside, lifting both hands to press his fingers against his temples. He really was tired if his thoughts were drifting _there_.

 

The sudden creak of one of the stairs made him bolt off of the couch and move forward, finding Lily slowly making her way down the stairs. Her feet were bare and she had a familiar shawl wrapped around her shoulders - his mother's that he had taken before Tobias could toss everything in a fit of drunken rage after her death. She blinked at him for a moment, pausing on the stairs, then said softly, "Hi."

 

"Good morning," he greeted in return, unsure of what he should say. Severus then remembered the tea in the kitchen and gestured in that direction, saying, "I boiled water for tea if you want some."

 

Lily just nodded and he pointed her towards the seat he'd vacated on the couch as he headed towards the kitchen himself. For some reason his hands were shaking as he poured the water into the cup and he cursed under his breath. He had no honest reason to be nervous! This was _Lily_ , his friend.

 

His friend who'd just lost her husband, a dearth of emotion that he couldn't even begin to connect with. Oh, he'd been heartbroken when his mother had killed herself but it was more for the woman she'd once been than her death. The only other time he'd felt such a loss was when he'd thought their friendship gone forever but that was still different.

 

Shaking himself, Severus carefully picked up the cup and headed back into the room to hand it to Lily. She smiled wanly and closed her eyes as she breathed in the smell of the tea, her hands wrapped around the cup as if to draw all of the warmth from it. "Peppermint," she murmured after a moment and blinked open her eyes to look up at him. "Sev, you remembered."

 

Feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment, he shrugged helplessly and felt like his fourteen year-old self again on the cusp of realizing what he felt for his best friend. "I remember most things," he admitted quietly before he picked up his cup from the side table. He was intending on moving to sit in the armchair when her slim hand came to rest on top of his.

 

"Sit with me. Please."

 

There wasn't a question about refusing. As he settled himself onto the cushion next to her, Severus said, "You don't have to say please."

 

Lily just frowned and replied, "It's polite."

 

He started to open his mouth but snapped it shut because his words were inappropriate in the current situation. Her husband was dead and much as he'd loathed Potter, now was not the time to tell her that she never had to beg him for anything. All she had to do was ask and he would do it.

 

"Of course," he said simply, choking down the words that felt like they wanted to explode out of him. As he settled down next to her, Severus tried to search for something - _anything_ \- to say but every set of words seemed all too hollow. Saying 'sorry' was what was supposedly appropriate in response to her loss but he honestly wasn't sure that he was.

 

Sorry she was hurting, yes. He wasn't sorry at all for Potter's loss.

 

So he just sat in silence until she spoke, saying, "I'm sorry about last night, Sev. I don't..." Lily paused and took a breath and he turned to look at her then, frowning at how wan and pale she seemed. "I meant to go to Mum's. As soon as I Apparated there, though, I couldn't go into the house."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because she just lost Dad and I...I didn't want to burden her."

 

Severus' frown turned severe at her words and he leaned forward to curl his fingers around the hand she had left in her lap. As she turned to look at him, he said firmly, "You are not a burden to your mother. And I think that after having gone through something similar, she would want to comfort her daughter who also lost her husband."

 

"You think so?"

 

He arched an eyebrow and gave her the look he'd perfected in school when one of his 'friends' had questioned him about something Potions or Dark Arts related. It made Lily laugh and she nodded before squeezing his fingers as she said, "You're probably right. I just...I couldn't face her right then, so I started walking here. And..." She trailed off then, closing her eyes as if in pain, and sniffed.

 

"Lily?" he questioned, a bit confused as to the sudden change in her demeanor.

 

"Sorry," she apologized, opening her eyes and smiling weakly at him. Lily then shook her head and said, "I just started thinking along the way how funny it was that James was dead and I was coming to _you_. How he would have been so angry that I didn't go to Mum or Remus or even Sirius before I came here. That was when I started crying."

 

Nodding, Severus murmured, "Right before you threw yourself at me." When she grimaced, he flinched at how that had come out and hurriedly spoke again. "I meant nothing bad about it. You were distraught last night. I just..."

 

Lily shook her head and turned her hand underneath his to curl her fingers around his hand as she said softly, "It's fine, Sev." She then let out a ragged breath and closed her eyes before continuing, "I should be out of your hair soon."

 

Terrified that he'd made her think that he didn't want her around, he blurted, "No!" When she looked at him in confusion, Severus forced himself to take a deep breath and moved to grasp her hand with both of his own. "What I meant," he said as evenly as he was able, "is that you can stay however long you have to. I don't mind and I can't imagine being alone in your house would be good for you right now."

 

She just sat there watching him for a moment and he wondered what was going on behind those green eyes. Was she considering it? Or was she appalled at his offer? Perhaps trying to think of a polite way to deny him?

 

"Okay."

 

"Okay?" Severus repeated, startled out of his ever more depressing thoughts of her denying his offer.

 

Lily just nodded and he breathed a sigh of relief before smiling at her. As her fingers squeezed his hand, he said, "My home is yours for as long as you feel you need it, Lily."

 

Her smile in return was all of the thanks he needed.

 


	4. August, 1979 : Promises Made

"What are you thinking?"

 

Smiling at the ceiling, Severus replied, "I'm thinking that I'm dreaming."

 

"Oh?" said Lily as she pushed herself up onto her elbows, her hair disheveled and wild about her bare shoulders. "Because I'm here?"

 

Snorting, he shifted onto his side and drew one of his arms out from under the covers to brush his fingers across her shoulder and down her arm. "Because you're here in my _bed_ ," he replied matter-of-factly. His eyes unfocused for a moment, staring blankly beyond her, as he added, "I never imagined I was worthy of you... _ow!_ "

 

Flinching back, he blinked several times while rubbing his shoulder where she'd smacked him.

 

"Don't you do that," hissed Lily, her eyes blazing furiously. "Not to me, Sev."

 

"It's the truth," he said sharply. "I didn't think I was because of what I'd said to you and..." Trailing off, Severus' eyes flicked down to the wrapping that hid the Dark Mark from view. He didn't need to add anything else to his words because he'd already told her everything months before after her father's funeral. She knew exactly how he felt about it.

 

Lily sighed and sat up suddenly, the sheets falling away from her body and giving him a view he hadn't been fully able to appreciate the night before. Folding her legs underneath her, she let out a huff of breath before saying, "Sev, we've had this conversation. I forgave you months ago."

 

"Which still puzzles me."

 

"Because you came _back_ ," she said sharply. Then, smiling, Lily leaned forward and cupped his cheek, her thumb brushing across the skin underneath his eye. "I got my best friend back."

 

With a snort, Severus said darkly, "Only because he realized what a total fool he'd been."

 

" _And_ ," she pointed out, "you went to Dumbledore."

 

"Mostly because you insisted upon it." Grimacing, he sat up and scooted back across the bed so he could lean against the headboard. "That is one thing that worries me about this...about...us."

 

Lily's face fell and he instantly knew she'd taken that the wrong way. "No, no, no," Severus exclaimed hurriedly, reaching out to grasp her hands. "I don't mean to lose this. Not after finally getting it. Not after giving you some shred of happiness after Potter."

 

"What I mean," he continued, "is that I'm worried about _them_ finding out. I can play the spying both ways, Lily. There's no way I can play you and I together unless I tell them I have you under Imperius and that _I_ killed Potter. And I won't."

 

Tears welled up in her eyes at the mention of her missing and presumed dead husband and she said very quietly, "You hated him."

 

"Because he was a selfish, spoiled _prat_ ," he snarled, old anger rising up. Grasping it and wrestling it back down, Severus took a deep breath and lifted her hands to his face, pressing a kiss onto the knuckles of her right hand. "And you _loved_ him. I may not have liked him, may have never grown to, but I'll at least respect your feelings."

 

Lily just stared at him for a moment, her mouth slightly open and her eyes full of tears, then she breathed, " _Sev_."

 

He looked down, embarrassed, at the grateful tone in her voice then felt her fingers on his chin. They pressed upwards, guiding him back, and when he finally allowed the slim digits to do so it was to meet her lips in a slow kiss. His hands drew her into his lap as their mouths danced and when they finally parted his hands were buried in her hair and hers were flat against his chest.

 

"Thank you," she whispered and he shuddered.

 

"That is the least thing I need thanks for," he replied hoarsely, not wanting to speak of all the nights and days he'd hated James Potter for getting the one thing he'd ever wanted to keep for himself.

 

Lily shook her head and laughed. "No, silly," she said, "thank you for growing up."

 

Frowning lightly, Severus grumbled, "I'm not sure whether I should feel insulted or not."

 

"Not."

 

"Okay."

 

She then smiled sadly and moved her hand to his arm, fingers resting lightly on top of the white wrapping. Then she bowed her head and as he slid one hand down to her cheek, Lily breathed, "Lie to them."

 

" _Lily_."

 

"I don't _care_ ," she nearly screamed, eyes flying wide. A half-broken sob came from her and she clasped her other hand over her mouth while the one still on his arm curled fingers around the cursed spot. "I already lost one person I care about," she gasped between little hitches of breath. "I can't - _I won't_ \- lose another, Sev."

 

"Alright," he breathed, gently massaging his fingers into her scalp in an effort to calm her. As she began to relax, he said quietly, "I'll only do it if it's brought up. I won't brag about that, Lily, even if it is a lie. I don't want to be more like them then I have to be."

 

"Promise?" she asked.

 

Closing his eyes, Severus nodded and replied, "Promise."

 


End file.
